Thursday, 30 April 2009

New pandemic threatens football

"Vets in the north-east of England have been accused of failing to act quickly enough to stem the pandemic of whine flu that threatens the world’s pigs."

More football satire

Tuesday, 28 April 2009

FA slams high-scoring games

"Premiership underachievers Liverpool have scored no fewer than 18 goals in four matches against the other sides in the top four in recent weeks, prompting suggestions that fans will ultimately lose interest in football in search of other high-scoring sports."

More football satire

Monday, 27 April 2009

Anti News - The You Might Be Rich Issue

"But even we can't quite believe that Ryan Giggs has received the PFA Player of the Year award. It's nice that the game is rewarding someone of practically pensionable age with a token prize but if awards were dished out every time a player managed four decent games a season, Boro would be chasing a Champions League place."

More from

Thursday, 23 April 2009

Extra Golden review up on PopMatters

After a spell away, I've started writing for PopMatters again.

Here's my review of Extra Golden's latest venture, Thank You Very Quickly.

Ian Eagleson wasn’t the first Western musician to trek to Africa, but he might be the Western musician who took his visit the most seriously. It was far from a mere jaunt aimed at adding a little extra musical flavor to his band Golden’s recordings. Eagleson traveled as part of his doctoral research into the music of East Africa. In 2000, while in Kenya for that research, he began documenting the popular, guitar-heavy form of dance music known as benga. While in Africa, he was assisted by Otieno Jagwasi and Onyango Wuod Omari, members of a Kenyan band called Orchestra Extra Solar Africa.

Click here to read the rest of the Extra Golden review

Villa accused of ‘gratuitous integrity’

"Spanish striker David Villa has been accused by fellow players of showing 'gratuitous integrity'."

More from Over The Bar

Wednesday, 22 April 2009

Carew in a stew

John Carew today hit out at ‘wholly unfounded press gossip’ causing chaos and distress in his private life.

More from Over The Bar

Tuesday, 21 April 2009

Showdown behind the sweetshop

"‘Puffball’ Benitez and ‘Sporran’ Ferguson finally had their big showdown behind Elsie Parkin’s sweetshop last night. It followed a frantic bout of name-calling and face-pulling at the annual LMA party."

More from Over The Bar

Anti News - The Kristen Dalton Issue

"As much as we'd like to take the piss out of Sir Alex Ferguson for fielding a weakened team, selecting the laziest possible Bulgarian oaf to take a penalty and then having the audacity to complain about the grass, Anti News has been pretending that the FA Cup doesn't exist ever since Cardiff beat Boro at home last season, so we can't."

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Gascoigne denies last minute Match of the Day 2 substitution

"England legend Paul Gascoigne has vigorously denied that a fit of last minute nerves caused him to pull out of Sunday’s Match of the Day 2 program and call in a favour from showbiz pal Max Headroom who sat in and performed a none too convincing Gazza impression."

More from Over The Bar

Friday, 17 April 2009

(Chav by) Association Football

"In a bold move, small teams with a middle-class catchment area are to refuse to play in the Johnstone’s Trophy, instead breaking away to form their own minnows knockout competition."

More from Over The Bar

Thursday, 16 April 2009

New tune to Premiership mind games

"A new single entitled ‘It’s Squeaky Bum Time’, scheduled for release next Monday, has been recorded by the unlikely duo of comedian Joe Pasquale and US rap sensation Akon and makes liberal use of Ferguson’s favourite phrase."

More from Over The Bar

Wednesday, 15 April 2009

Carew in a stew

"Speaking angrily at a press conference, Carew lambasted a recent press photograph showing him inside ex-President Jimmy Carter’s Peanut Farm in the American state of Georgia, apparently driving a tractor around the plantation."

More from Over The Bar

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

Anti News - The Harry Kalas Issue

"Anti News can't help but think that if assaulting innocents on the streets of London is what King wanted to do, he'd have been better off becoming a member of the Metropolitan Police than a mediocre footballer."

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Computer blunder blamed for PFA shortlist error

The PFA have blamed a computer error for the accidental inclusion of Temitope Obadeyi in this season’s PFA Young Player of the Year shortlist.

More from Over The Bar

Benitez seeks mind games help

"Ahead of Liverpool’s vital Champions League clash with Chelsea tonight, Rafael Benitez has sought some unusual help with his on-going quest to master the mind game."

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Thursday, 9 April 2009

New classification system for bosses

"In a sensational move, Premiership football managers are to be given their own system of classification according to how scary they are."

More from Over The Bar

Wednesday, 8 April 2009

Carew in a stew

"Speaking angrily at a press conference held at Villa Park, Carew lambasted a recent press photograph showing him outside Battersea Dog’s Home, apparently leading away a long-haired French poodle."

More from Over The Bar

When Life Gives You Lemons, Suplex Those Lemons

Gordon Dalton's new exhibition, When Life Gives You Lemons, Suplex Those Lemons, starts at the Keith Talent Gallery on 23rd April.

The press release sez, "When Life Gives You Lemons, Suplex Those Lemons uses wrestling terminology to quash life’s melancholic bitterness. Paintings from 2004, when the art world was booming, take a slapstick sideswipe at art critics and look even more adolescent and pathetic in retrospect. These are shown alongside one of Dalton’s off-kilter constructions, with a shark costume cartoonishly devouring somebody, perhaps the artist himself."

Art world waffle, obviously. But Gordon's work is incredibly witty and well worth venturing out to Tower Hamlets for.

Oh, and he stole the name from me.

Gordon Dalton's website

Keith Talent Gallery website

Tuesday, 7 April 2009

Berbatov just one of the Vlads

"A journalist from the Manchester Evening News was reported to be in a “critical, but stable” condition last night after being viciously beaten by minders employed by Manchester Utd star, Dimitar Berbatov."

More from Over The Bar

Monday, 6 April 2009

Anti News - The Wrestlemania Issue

"In these credit crunched times, it's really nice to see employers doing all they can to avoid making redundancies. Anti News, then, would like to offer a great deal of praise to VfL Wolfsburg who, in a desperate attempt to avoid laying off the thirty people who make up their medical staff, are attempting to sign Robert Huth."

More from ComeOnBoro here

Friday, 3 April 2009

Dulux unveils new paint range

Dulux today unveiled their new Football Range – a palette of bold colours for the home, inspired by the Beautiful Game.

“We looked at our rivals Crown Paints’ former sponsorship of Liverpool and thought we’d like to do something a little bit different,” said Keith Mangel, Dulux Marketing Manager.

More from Over The Bar

Thursday, 2 April 2009

Football more important than first thought

It has long been an expression familiar to football fans – the saying: ‘I only know about ___________ because it has a football team’. It has finally been confirmed however, that there is actually good cause for people thinking that way.

More from Over The Bar

Wednesday, 1 April 2009

Owen favourite to fill Shearer vacancy

“We’ve got a really tough job on our hands trying to replace Alan,” BBC executive Melvin Spooner told Over The Bar, “People think it’s a cushy job where the pundits just get paid to watch football matches and talk about them, but there’s a lot more to it than that.”

More from Over The Bar