Almighty Alrighty

T-shirt competition. Vote for Felipe.

2009-08-12T12:02:00.004+01:00

My buddy, the incredibly talented Felipe Urquijo, has entered a t-shirt competition on SwishSwosh and desperately needs the cash to pay for a masters.

Help a brother out by voting for his awesome design.

Link

You can check out the rest of Felipe's work here

ComeOnBoro.com season predictions

2009-08-11T10:36:00.002+01:00

As usual, the ComeOnBoro.com writers got together to discuss their predictions for the forthcoming Championship season. And, because we miss it, we mentioned the Premiership too.

Part one

Part two

Part three

Sir Alex slams price of everything

2009-07-16T10:58:00.000+01:00

"Lyon knew we had a lot of money from the transfer of Cristiano, so they didn't play ball" raged Ferguson. "Everyone is doing it. What is wrong in the world when just because you are super duper rich, you have to pay triple for everything?"

More from Over The Bar

Manchester City line up new Boss

2009-07-01T10:04:00.000+01:00

"Manchester City manager Mark Hughes has returned from his summer holiday to discover that the Eastlands club have redoubled their efforts to secure a new boss.

With Samuel Eto'o turning down the opportunity to become England's highest-paid player, City officials have decided that they need a high profile managerial appointment to pursue their dream of joining Europe's elite."

More from Over The Bar

Manchester United to play Rolf Harris Testimonial

2009-06-10T14:57:00.000+01:00

Over The Bar understands that the news that Qantas has withheld payment of the settlement due to Harris’s widow touched a chord with Sir Alex Ferguson, who has long been a campaigner against injustice. The benevolent match, to be played in pre-season, will be against an all-star World XI.

More from Over The Bar

Ronaldo set for Real Madrid

2009-06-08T11:53:00.001+01:00

Marks and Spencer were last night facing a monster $100 million legal claim by Manchester United for 'grossly negligent socks'. The 'exemplary action', said United lawyers, stemmed from an incident at approximately 9a.m. yesterday morning as winger Cristiano Ronaldo slid his right foot into a brown cotton/silk mix garment from the store's Bon Pied range.

More from Over The Bar

ComeOnBoro.com end of season awards

2009-06-02T12:47:00.000+01:00

It doesn't really feel like a time for celebration but, despite Middlesbrough's relegation from the Premiership, it's business as usual at ComeOnBoro.com towers and this means it's time for our end of season awards.

As usual, our panel of writers, pundits and experts sat down to discuss the best and worst – but mainly the worst – the season had to offer.

What with this season being the most dispiriting one for over a decade, we've decided to add a few bonus categories this year too.

Read more here

Anti News - The Allyce Beasley Issue

2009-05-27T09:23:00.000+01:00

"Congratulations too must go to Mike Ashley, Dennis Wise, Derek Llambias, Kevin Keegan, Joe Kinnear, Chris Hughton and Alan Shearer for presiding over one of the greatest clusterfucks in recent sporting history."

More from ComeOnBoro.com

The Peanut Butter Smack Issue

2009-05-19T12:28:00.000+01:00

At the other end of the table, after losing 2-0 to Liverpool, West Bromwich Albion have been relegated. The Baggies play nice football and have a decent man in charge of the club but, sadly, they simply don't score enough goals and concede far too easily.

Sound familiar?

More from ComeOnBoro.com

King rages at expenses scandal

2009-05-15T15:18:00.001+01:00

Tottenham Hotspur captain Ledley King has spoken out over the MP expenses scandal currently enveloping Westminster.

More from Over The Bar

Fergie calms nervous nipper

2009-05-13T10:01:00.000+01:00

"Sir Alex Ferguson yesterday comforted a young fan who had been having nightmares.

The United boss reassured the alarmed child that, were the Reds to sign French ace Frank Ribery and subsequently he and Carlos Tevez were to challenge for the same header, they would not stick together, as their skin only looks like that."

The Hoopz Tape Issue

2009-05-12T12:50:00.001+01:00

"It's that time of the year again. You know, the one when players like Mark Viduka wake from their season-long slumber to remind clubs with deep pockets that they exist."

More from ComeOnBoro.com

Carew in a stew

2009-05-12T12:49:00.000+01:00

"Speaking angrily at a press conference at Villa Park, Carew lambasted a recent press photograph showing him blowing his nose, while shaking hands with a group of men in lab coats."

More from Over The Bar

Furious Drogba lashes Ricci ‘do

2009-05-08T10:16:00.001+01:00

Over The Bar can exclusively reveal that Chelsea striker Didier Drogba had to be talked down by his colourist last night as he reacted furiously to the sight of Christina Ricci’s new bangs look.

More from Over The Bar

New pronouncement from St Alan

2009-05-07T11:01:00.002+01:00

"Hear me, for I am St Alan Shearer, a simple son of a sheet metal worker."

More from Over The Bar

Suspended Barton visits V&A

2009-05-06T10:26:00.000+01:00

Taking advantage of his recent suspension from Newcastle Football Club, Joey Barton was spotted this morning at the Victoria & Albert Museum in London.

More from Over The Bar

Anti News - The Kryptos Issue

2009-05-05T16:41:00.000+01:00

"Yeah, yeah, we all like a moan on the radio phone-ins and on the message boards. But what are you gonna do about it, eh?

Boro have scored the lowest number of goals of any professional team in the country, are suffering the worst away run in a century and are on the verge of being relegated without so much as a whimper.

And what are you gonna do about it? Nothing, that's what. You're gonna keep going to the games and keep cheering the team on, aren't you?"

More Boro news

Boro in swine flu shock

2009-05-01T10:13:00.001+01:00

Middlesbrough’s relegation woes have deepened this week after respected football journal Heat revealed that swine flu could have infiltrated the club.

More football satire

New pandemic threatens football

2009-04-30T10:24:00.001+01:00

"Vets in the north-east of England have been accused of failing to act quickly enough to stem the pandemic of whine flu that threatens the world’s pigs."

More football satire

FA slams high-scoring games

2009-04-28T10:18:00.002+01:00

"Premiership underachievers Liverpool have scored no fewer than 18 goals in four matches against the other sides in the top four in recent weeks, prompting suggestions that fans will ultimately lose interest in football in search of other high-scoring sports."

More football satire

Anti News - The You Might Be Rich Issue

2009-04-27T14:46:00.002+01:00

"But even we can't quite believe that Ryan Giggs has received the PFA Player of the Year award. It's nice that the game is rewarding someone of practically pensionable age with a token prize but if awards were dished out every time a player managed four decent games a season, Boro would be chasing a Champions League place."

More from ComeOnBoro.com

Extra Golden review up on PopMatters

2009-04-23T16:16:00.003+01:00

After a spell away, I've started writing for PopMatters again.

Here's my review of Extra Golden's latest venture, Thank You Very Quickly.

Ian Eagleson wasn’t the first Western musician to trek to Africa, but he might be the Western musician who took his visit the most seriously. It was far from a mere jaunt aimed at adding a little extra musical flavor to his band Golden’s recordings. Eagleson traveled as part of his doctoral research into the music of East Africa. In 2000, while in Kenya for that research, he began documenting the popular, guitar-heavy form of dance music known as benga. While in Africa, he was assisted by Otieno Jagwasi and Onyango Wuod Omari, members of a Kenyan band called Orchestra Extra Solar Africa.

Click here to read the rest of the Extra Golden review

Villa accused of ‘gratuitous integrity’

2009-04-23T14:31:00.001+01:00

"Spanish striker David Villa has been accused by fellow players of showing 'gratuitous integrity'."

More from Over The Bar

Carew in a stew

2009-04-22T12:34:00.000+01:00

John Carew today hit out at ‘wholly unfounded press gossip’ causing chaos and distress in his private life.

More from Over The Bar

Showdown behind the sweetshop

2009-04-21T12:10:00.001+01:00

"‘Puffball’ Benitez and ‘Sporran’ Ferguson finally had their big showdown behind Elsie Parkin’s sweetshop last night. It followed a frantic bout of name-calling and face-pulling at the annual LMA party."

More from Over The Bar

Anti News - The Kristen Dalton Issue

2009-04-21T08:50:00.000+01:00

"As much as we'd like to take the piss out of Sir Alex Ferguson for fielding a weakened team, selecting the laziest possible Bulgarian oaf to take a penalty and then having the audacity to complain about the grass, Anti News has been pretending that the FA Cup doesn't exist ever since Cardiff beat Boro at home last season, so we can't."

More from ComeOnBoro.com

Gascoigne denies last minute Match of the Day 2 substitution

2009-04-21T08:48:00.000+01:00

"England legend Paul Gascoigne has vigorously denied that a fit of last minute nerves caused him to pull out of Sunday’s Match of the Day 2 program and call in a favour from showbiz pal Max Headroom who sat in and performed a none too convincing Gazza impression."

More from Over The Bar

(Chav by) Association Football

2009-04-17T09:43:00.000+01:00

"In a bold move, small teams with a middle-class catchment area are to refuse to play in the Johnstone’s Trophy, instead breaking away to form their own minnows knockout competition."

More from Over The Bar

New tune to Premiership mind games

2009-04-16T13:28:00.000+01:00

"A new single entitled ‘It’s Squeaky Bum Time’, scheduled for release next Monday, has been recorded by the unlikely duo of comedian Joe Pasquale and US rap sensation Akon and makes liberal use of Ferguson’s favourite phrase."

More from Over The Bar

Carew in a stew

2009-04-15T11:03:00.001+01:00

"Speaking angrily at a press conference, Carew lambasted a recent press photograph showing him inside ex-President Jimmy Carter’s Peanut Farm in the American state of Georgia, apparently driving a tractor around the plantation."

More from Over The Bar

Anti News - The Harry Kalas Issue

2009-04-14T16:24:00.001+01:00

"Anti News can't help but think that if assaulting innocents on the streets of London is what King wanted to do, he'd have been better off becoming a member of the Metropolitan Police than a mediocre footballer."

More from ComeOnBoro.com

Computer blunder blamed for PFA shortlist error

2009-04-14T15:23:00.000+01:00

The PFA have blamed a computer error for the accidental inclusion of Temitope Obadeyi in this season’s PFA Young Player of the Year shortlist.

More from Over The Bar

Benitez seeks mind games help

2009-04-14T12:58:00.001+01:00

"Ahead of Liverpool’s vital Champions League clash with Chelsea tonight, Rafael Benitez has sought some unusual help with his on-going quest to master the mind game."

More from Over The Bar

New classification system for bosses

2009-04-09T12:55:00.001+01:00

"In a sensational move, Premiership football managers are to be given their own system of classification according to how scary they are."

More from Over The Bar

Carew in a stew

2009-04-08T12:51:00.001+01:00

"Speaking angrily at a press conference held at Villa Park, Carew lambasted a recent press photograph showing him outside Battersea Dog’s Home, apparently leading away a long-haired French poodle."

More from Over The Bar

When Life Gives You Lemons, Suplex Those Lemons

2009-04-08T12:15:00.003+01:00

Gordon Dalton's new exhibition, When Life Gives You Lemons, Suplex Those Lemons, starts at the Keith Talent Gallery on 23rd April.

The press release sez, "When Life Gives You Lemons, Suplex Those Lemons uses wrestling terminology to quash life’s melancholic bitterness. Paintings from 2004, when the art world was booming, take a slapstick sideswipe at art critics and look even more adolescent and pathetic in retrospect. These are shown alongside one of Dalton’s off-kilter constructions, with a shark costume cartoonishly devouring somebody, perhaps the artist himself."

Art world waffle, obviously. But Gordon's work is incredibly witty and well worth venturing out to Tower Hamlets for.

Oh, and he stole the name from me.

Gordon Dalton's website

Keith Talent Gallery website

Berbatov just one of the Vlads

2009-04-07T10:32:00.002+01:00

"A journalist from the Manchester Evening News was reported to be in a “critical, but stable” condition last night after being viciously beaten by minders employed by Manchester Utd star, Dimitar Berbatov."

More from Over The Bar

Anti News - The Wrestlemania Issue

2009-04-06T16:29:00.002+01:00

"In these credit crunched times, it's really nice to see employers doing all they can to avoid making redundancies. Anti News, then, would like to offer a great deal of praise to VfL Wolfsburg who, in a desperate attempt to avoid laying off the thirty people who make up their medical staff, are attempting to sign Robert Huth."

More from ComeOnBoro here

Dulux unveils new paint range

2009-04-03T11:49:00.000+01:00

Dulux today unveiled their new Football Range – a palette of bold colours for the home, inspired by the Beautiful Game.

“We looked at our rivals Crown Paints’ former sponsorship of Liverpool and thought we’d like to do something a little bit different,” said Keith Mangel, Dulux Marketing Manager.

More from Over The Bar

Football more important than first thought

2009-04-02T13:36:00.002+01:00

It has long been an expression familiar to football fans – the saying: ‘I only know about ___________ because it has a football team’. It has finally been confirmed however, that there is actually good cause for people thinking that way.

More from Over The Bar

Owen favourite to fill Shearer vacancy

2009-04-01T15:13:00.000+01:00

“We’ve got a really tough job on our hands trying to replace Alan,” BBC executive Melvin Spooner told Over The Bar, “People think it’s a cushy job where the pundits just get paid to watch football matches and talk about them, but there’s a lot more to it than that.”

More from Over The Bar

Terry pleads caution over new England image

2009-03-31T09:18:00.000+01:00

"England captain John Terry has denied reports that England stars had been ordered to smoke Woodbines in order to complement their new retro image.

“It’s not true,” said Terry, interviewed in the dressing room after England’s victory over Slovakia, his forehead clearly showing the imprint of the laces on new retro matchball that Terry had headed just over the crossbar tape in the dying minutes."

More from Over The Bar

Anti News - The Sulk Issue

2009-03-31T08:52:00.000+01:00

"Now, we all like to imagine that we can do better than our present lot.

Anti News really believes we should be writing daily football news for The Times and Jacqui Smith's husband really believes that he, not moustachioed photocopier repairmen in pornos, should be fucking lonely, nineteen-year-old housewives two at a time."

More from ComeOnBoro

King in fraud claim following England squad withdrawal

2009-03-25T14:34:00.001Z

"Ledley King’s sudden withdrawal from the England camp has reopened debate about the health of the defender.

However, Fabio Capello and Harry Redknapp are not the only interested parties in the 28-year-old’s fitness; the Department for Work & Pensions have also taken an interest."

More from Over The Bar here

Anti News - The Gazillionaire Issue

2009-03-24T16:46:00.002Z

"Meanwhile, following defeat to a rejuvenated Spurs, Chelsea's title challenge looks deader than Jad... hang on, is it too soon for that sort of thing?"

More Anti News here

Hollywood beckons for Premiership stars

2009-03-20T11:49:00.000Z

"In an effort to cut costs, Hollywood studios are hoping to entice aging Premiership players across the Atlantic and turn them into movie stars. It’s hoped that the move will provide 30-something footballers with an additional revenue and increase film profits as intrigued football fans flock to cinemas to see their idols on the big screen."

More from Over The Bar

Disappointment at timing of Benitez deal

2009-03-19T11:09:00.001Z

“The deal was signed exactly seven thousand two hundred and seventy-eight days after Hillsborough,” Liverpool Supporters’ Group spokesperson Bud Hope told Over The Bar, “We’re pleased that Rafa is staying in charge, but to make this announcement on this day is grossly insensitive.”

More from Over The Bar

Alves suffers from 'rare alopecia'

2009-03-18T11:11:00.000Z

"Having spent an intense period at The Riverside researching Massimo Maccarone’s dome, Dr Rocque Ocque has supplied Over The Bar with an exclusive research paper that proves that Afonso Alves is suffering from a rare type of alopecia which is impairing his ability to score goals. The full Latin name of the affliction is Kakkus Hairus Nono Celebratae."

More from OverTheBar here

Mario responsible for Spurs surge

2009-03-17T12:50:00.000Z

"Harry Redknapp has used his contacts at the Japanese videogame giant to revitalise Tottenham’s flagging season, making a two-hour spell on the Wii an obligatory part of all his players’ training sessions."

Link

Anti News - The Trent Reznor Issue

2009-03-16T15:49:00.000Z

"Peter Crouch scored a slow-motion first-half volley, which was equalised in the ninety-third minute via a chance that even one-time stolen car handler and occasional purveyor of the Soho Revue Bar, Marlon King couldn't miss."

More here

Notion #38

2009-03-12T16:38:00.000Z

The new issue of Notion is in the shops. I dunno, Borders and a few other stores, apparently.

Anyway, once again I wrote a piece in the videogame section. It's about Mega Man and it's kinda funny.

Anti News - The Billy Crudup's Giant Blue Penis Issue

2009-03-09T15:10:00.002Z

Containing iffy gags about Gary O'Neil, Gareth Southgate and Brad Jones.

"I scored at Everton and played well at Aston Villa," O'Neil told the Evening Gazette, two decent performances and a goal proving an admirably honest crystallisation of his season's achievements to date.

More here

Anti News - The Castle Issue

2009-03-02T12:15:00.000Z

After a three-year absence, I've decided to start writing the Anti News column at ComeOnBoro.com again.

You can read my latest column - The Castle Issue - here

MF Doom changes his name...

2009-02-23T13:58:00.002Z

... to DOOM (in all caps, natch).

And he's going to drop a new album with Lex in March called BORN LIKE THIS. Raekwon and Ghostface guest on a track each, and DOOM has nabbed a beat from J Dilla's Donuts.

Can't wait.

No chanting at the Riverside please

2009-02-23T13:55:00.001Z

Have you ever, in all your life, read anything this daft?

The Kiss of a Lifetime

2009-02-13T15:48:00.002Z

Starting tomorrow evening - just after Boro have lost to West Ham, in fact - is The Kiss of a Lifetime art show at the Rogue Artists Studio in Manchester

My pal Gordon Dalton is exhibiting some work, which you really ought to check out. Other artists displaying their wares include... David Shrigley, Mark Applegate, Paul Stanley, John Walsh, Naomi Kashiwagi, Jason Minsky... well... the press release lists about another ninety others and I'm not gonna list them all.

It runs until 28th February, so plenty of time to check it all out.

For more info, click here

All the swearing from The Sopranos

2009-02-10T16:42:00.001Z

Oo De Lally translated

2009-02-06T11:18:00.003Z

Waxy have tracked down 13 localised versions of the Oo De Lally song from Disney's Robin Hood.

Here's the English original, click here to access the rest. The Russian one is my fave, I think.

The Guardian's Chalkboards

2009-01-30T16:42:00.003Z

The Guardian's football section continues to assert its position as the most addictive place on the interwebz.

They've launched this chalkboard dealie that lets you draw diagrams to prove, amongst other things, that Lee Dong Gook is twice as good a player as Afonso Alves.

Now if they could just get rid of wastes of space like Dicky Williams and Kevin McCarra...

Link

2009: The year of civil disorder in Britain?

2009-01-30T11:17:00.003Z

Strikes have broken out across Britain and it feels to me like this might be the start of a larger civil disorder movement across the country. Depressions breed anger, resentment and racism, and the comments from some of the striking workers on the BBC news this morning sound like we could be close to something quite dangerous.

"Workers walked off the site at the Lindsey oil refinery on Wednesday after weeks of discontent over the contract to build the plant's HDS-3 de-sulphurisation unit. The plant's owners put the contract out to tender with five UK firms and two European contractors bidding for the work. It was awarded to the Italian company Irem on the basis that it was supplying its own permanent workforce and not using locally employed contractors."

What I don't understand is that - assuming the bids were won fair and square - with the GBP-EUR rate as it is, how a British firm would fail to win this tender. It's the British firms who put this unsuccessful tenders together who have harmed their British workers, not the Italians.

Link

Mickey Rourke not wrestling after all....

2009-01-30T10:47:00.002Z

Loadsa places had reported that, following his role in The Wrestler, Mickey Rourke was going to wrestle Chris Jericho at this year's Wrestlemania.

Well, he's not. So there.

Link

Silver Jews call it a day?

2009-01-23T17:35:00.003Z

Pitchfork have picked up on a post written on the Drag City messageboard, which suggests that Dave Berman might have retired from music.

The post, entitled Silver Jews End-Lead Singer Bids his Well-Wishers Adieu, was written by DCB and reads....

"Hello, my friend.

Cassie and I went to the cave and it looks great. 58 degrees but the humidity makes it feel like 72.

I'm just going to play fifteen songs. My fifteen favorite ones.

A dollar per song. Plus Arnett Hollow. I don't

want to keep you underground for too long. Fall Creek Falls State Park State Lodge is great by the way.

Yes I cancelled the South American shows. I'll have to see the ABC Countries another way.

I guess I am moving over to another category. Screenwriting or Muckraking.

I've got to move on. Can't be like all the careerists doncha know.

I'm forty two and I know what to do.

I'm a writer, see?

Cassie is taking it the hardest. She's a fan and a player but she sees how happy i am with the decision.

I always said we would stop before we got bad. If I continue to record I might accidentally write the answer song to Shiny Happy People.

What, you thought I was going to hang on to the bitter end like Marybeth Hamilton?

love david"

If it's a hoax, the writer has gone Dave's caustic wit down pat. If it's not a hoax, I'm absolutely gutted.

Link to Pitchfork, link to the original post

PopMatters: Slipped Discs 2008 - Part 2

2009-01-22T10:41:00.003Z

From Katzenjammer to Xiu Xiu... Gotta say, I don't agree with some of these choices at all. Acid Tongue was a pretty poor offering from Jenny Lewis, and Cyndi Lauper... really? Nice to see someone else dug Lookout Mountain, Lookout Sea though.

This will take you to the feature, scroll down to get to the bit I wrote about Laura Marling's album.

Sale at The Royal Standard

2009-01-21T14:10:00.003Z

If you're in Liverpool tomorrow and fancy buying some cut-price art, you could do a lot worse than pop down to The Royal Standard.

The press release sez:

"SALE WILL TRANSFORM THE WHITE WALLED GALLERIES AT THE ROYAL STANDARD INTO AN 'ART SUPERSTORE' STOCKED WITH HUNDREDS OF ARTWORKS INCLUDING A VIBRANT ARRAY OF PAINTINGS, SCULPTURE, DRAWING, FILM, INTERVENTION AND PHOTOGRAPHY SELECTED FROM THE MOST EXCITING EMERGING AND MORE ESTABLISHED ARTISTS FROM ACROSS THE UK AND BEYOND.

SALE PRESENTS CONSTANT SPECIAL OFFERS THAT WILL TEMPT YOU INTO BUYING THAT 'MUST HAVE' ARTWORK WITH PRICES FROM A FEW POUNDS TO A FEW THOUSAND, FLUCTUATING THROUGHOUT THE SHOW AS ARTISTS' PROFILES SOAR AND DIVE. WE PROMISE TO PASS REDUCTIONS STRAIGHT ON TO OUR CUSTOMERS –
SO IT'S UP TO YOU TO BUY WHEN THE PRICE IS RIGHT.

REMEMBER, WHEN IT'S GONE IT'S GONE!

Stocking a wide range of artists including Jo Addison, Michael Aitkin, Sergio Allevato, Craig Atkinson, Ayling & Conroy, Helen Barff, Russell Beighton, Sovay Berriman, David Blandy, Andrew Bracey Shane Bradford, Milo Brennan, Mike Carney, Rebecca Chesney, Emma Churchill, Samantha Clark, Rhys Coren, Michael Cousin, Martyn Cross, Gordon Culshaw, Fiona Curran, Gordon Dalton, Claire Davison, Craig Fisher, James Robert Ford, Stephen Forge, Anton Goldenstein, Adam Goodge, Paddy Gould, Lesley Halliwell, Sean Hawkridge, Aaron Head, Neil Hedger, Toby Huddlestone, Andrew Lim, Hilary Jack, Hannah James, Brendan Jamison, Julie Jones, David Kefford, Harry Lawson, Simon Liddiment, Katherine Lloyd, Hayley Lock, Philip Marsden, Susan Massey, Nicki McCubbing, Hamish McLain, Suzanne Mooney, John O’Hare, Bernadette O’Toole, Anne Parkinson, Kate Parrott, Laurence Payot, LOWPROFILE, Dan Perjovschi, Chris Poolman, Richard Proffitt, Sam Rees, Laura Robertson, Liz Rowe, Stephen Sharp, Gabriel Stones, David Thomas, Sam Venables, Hannah Waldron, Nick White, Rachel Wilberforce, Jeremy Willett, Nick Williams and many, many more.*

*ALL STOCK IS SUBJECT TO AVAILABILITY, HURRY WHILE STOCKS LAST! PLEASE CONTINUE TO CHECK THIS WEBPAGE FOR DETAILS OF THE LATEST OFFERS AND REDUCTIONS!"

The grand store opening is tomorrow from 4pm til 9pm, and the sale continues until Saturday 28th February.

Link

PopMatters: Slipped Discs 2008

2009-01-21T13:34:00.002Z

PopMatters have just published part one of their selection of 2008's Slipped Discs - "40 great albums that didn't quite make our year-end list in 2008, but our writers thought belonged there."

My contribution to the list is Scarlett Johannson's ridiculous ridiculed Anywhere I Lay My Head, but it's good to see Damien Jurado getting some love too.

Part two will be published tomorrow.

Here to go to the feature, or here to go straight to my bit about Scarlett.

The Curious Case Of Forrest Gump

2009-01-20T12:22:00.000Z

Justice review up on PopMatters

2009-01-19T12:27:00.005Z

PopMatters have published my review of Justice's A Cross The Universe.

"This approach might sound poorly equipped to handle the seismic force of Justice’s arena-filling sound, but “We Are Your Friends” still, two years on from its release, serves as a gleeful and giddy call and response. The crowd’s absolutely apeshit response when the first beat of ‘Genesis’ drops, when ‘Phantom’ first rears its head, and when ‘D.A.N.C.E.’ first emerges eight minutes later, only serves to ramp up the excitement and bombast of each track."

Read the rest here

Two dyslexics walk into a bra...

2009-01-14T13:56:00.002Z

... only they don't because dyslexia doesn't exist, apparently.

According to Labour MP Graham Stringer, dyslexia is a "cruel fiction", and "The sooner it is consigned to the same dustbin of history, the better."

Obviously that kinda ignores the fact the studies of brain activity prove that dyslexics process information differently to non-dyslexics. But, hey, if he wants to show himself up as fit to the join the ranks of Labour party incompetants, then who am I to argue?

Link

The Wire's abandoned soundstage

2009-01-12T17:22:00.005Z

This could be McNulty's old desk, or maybe it's Bunk's...

I'm not sure, but I do know that this gallery of HBO's abandoned soundstage is heartbreaking.

Link

Gaming moments of 2008 with MS Paint

2009-01-09T11:18:00.003Z

Some dudes over on NeoGAF are using MS Paint to recreate their favourite gaming moments of 2008.

This Left 4 Dead pic is my favourite, but there's some stunning recreations of Mirror's Edge, Final Fantasy XII, Mega Man 9 and other running across the entire thread.

Link

Spider-Man vs Obama

2009-01-09T11:05:00.003Z

I suppose it had to happen, didn't it?

President-elect Barack Obama teams up with Spider-Man in issue 583 of The Amazing Spider-Man to bring down The Chameleon.

Great stuff, I suppose, but wouldn't Obama be better off doing something useful like, y'know, making public comment on the situation in Gaza?

Link

Cristiano prangs his Ferrari

2009-01-08T16:58:00.000Z

It's just too easy to imagine that Ronaldo's car was gently nudged by a Fiat Punto, causing his Ferrari to flip over and roll ten times, then spin on the spot for two or three minutes.

Poor lad. At least Edwin van der Sar was able to give him a lift in his Bentley.

Link

Real life Far Side

2009-01-05T15:06:00.003Z

Far Side Reenactments is a Flickr group that remakes some of Gary Larson's classic cartoons.

Link

Obama: The College Years

2008-12-18T11:44:00.002Z

Time have published a fascinating gallery of photos of the US President-elect.

Link

ComeOnBoro.com Man of the Year Awards 2008

2008-12-17T16:41:00.001Z

Gordon Dalton and I have put together this year's ComeOnBoro.com Man of the Year awards.

You can read the countdown from 10-6 now. The top five list will be published tomorrow.

Link

Devotchka on Gears of War 2 advert

2008-12-16T12:48:00.006Z

I'm almost certain that I'm late to this (that's what comes from a televisual diet consisting solely of The Wire), but I caught this advert for Gears of War 2 last night.

An unremarkable advert that apes last year's Mad World one far too closely but it's nice to hear Devotchka getting synced on a high-profile ad.

PopMatters countdown of the best reissues of 2008

2008-12-16T12:33:00.002Z

Genuinely surprised that Pacific Ocean Blue didn't top this list, but 2008 was a tremendous year for reissues: Exile From Guyville, Stormcock, Odelay, Brighten The Corners and the Mission Of Burma and Replacements catalogues....

Some really great stuff on this list that's worth discovering or rediscovering.

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Disney World is mine!

2008-12-15T15:31:00.004Z

Disney are running a fantastic viral promo at the moment that lets you enter in the name of a loved-one and they automagically receive a fake video about Walt Disney World being dedicated to that person for the day.

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PopMatters countdown of the best albums of 2008

2008-12-15T11:31:00.000Z

Now this is more like it. Portishead at number one, Fleet Foxes at number two... I'm not sure what Erykah Badu is doing that high up, but at least my fellow writers had the sense to vote London Zoo into a lofty position.

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Dizzee Rascal nicked in Orpington

2008-12-14T19:24:00.003Z

Dizzee Rascal was arrested on Friday in my home town of Orpington for possession of a baseball bat.

He might be one of the most original rap artists to ever come out of the UK, but if he thinks he can stamp around my manor thinking he owns the place, he's got another thing coming.

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Village Green Boutique

2008-12-14T15:51:00.001Z

Village Green Boutique have finally launched their own online store.

They've been around on ebay and Etsy for a while and sell a lovely range of genuine vintage t-shirts, waistcoats, dresses and other clothing and accessories. What's more, their stuff is cheap, cheap, cheap.

Worth looking at for those (semi) last minute Christmas pressies.

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Damien Dempsey review up on PopMatters

2008-12-11T17:10:00.001Z

PopMatters have finally got round to publishing my review of Damien Dempsey's The Rocky Road. I only submitted it three months ago, but never mind.

Interesting piece of editing in the penultimate paragraph too, but hey, you'll get the gist.

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PopMatters countdown of the best songs of 2008

2008-12-08T14:28:00.000Z

Estelle and Kanye at number one!? What. The. Fuck.

Anyway, at least we collectively had the sense to include Pork & Beans (my sole contribution to the list) at number 14.

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The best albums of 2008

2008-12-07T22:28:00.000Z

25. Scarlett Johansson – Anywhere I Lay My Head
I liked it, okay?

Best track - I Wish I Was In New Orleans

24. Conor Oberst – Conor Oberst
Not vintage Oberst by any means, but there were enough tunes on here to make his solo debut more than a worthwhile listen.

Best track - Cape Canaveral

23. Spiritualized – Songs In A&E
Calling it his best since Ladies & Gentlemen might be damning Jason Spaceman with faint praise, but it really is.

Best track - Soul On Fire

22. Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds – Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!!
Way short of their best and, yeah, they miss Blixa, but as a slightly softer Grinderman experience, Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!! worked completely.

Best track - We Call Upon The Author

21. Black Mountain – In The Future
Came out so early in the year that I nearly forgot about it, which would've been a shame because In The Future is possibly the best loud-quiet-loud album since Mogwai Young Team.

Best track - Tyrants

20. Sigur Rós – Með Suð í Eyrum Við Spilum Endalaust
If the rest of the album had been as good as the first two tracks, this would've been an absolute masterpiece rather than an unpronounceable treat.

Best track - Inní Mér Syngur Vitleysingur

19. Lindstrom – Where You Go I Go Too
Three tracks. One's 10 minutes long, one's 16 minutes long, one's 29 minutes long. They're all great.

Best track - Where You Go I Go Too

18. Laura Marling – Alas, I Cannot Swim
Marling reckons the inspiration for this album comes from Bonnie 'Prince' Billy's I See A Darkness. Now, it's not as good as that particular example of Will Oldham genius, but what is she, eleven? She's got time yet.

Best track - Ghosts

17. The Dodos – Visiter
Proof that guitar and drums is enough to cut it even when they're not being played by Jack and Meg.

Best track - God?

16. Damien Jurado – Caught In The Trees
That's nine albums now for the Washington songwriter and not a single clunker amongst them. Someone please buy this fella's records, he's amazing.

Best track - Gillian Was A Horse

15. Vampire Weekend – Vampire Weekend
Even when singing about serial commas and imperialism they don't sound pretentious and snobbish. They sound like the brightest and most buoyant thing all year.

Best track - A-Punk

14. Ben Folds – Way To Normal
He might be as saccharine and goofy as ever but Ben Folds is always full of awesome.

Best track - Hiroshima (B B B Benny Hit His Head)

13. Girl Talk – Feed The Animals
Mash-ups are usually fucking awful but, this... this was something quite different. Still Here, for example, features Whiter Shade Of Pale, No Diggity, 15 Step and Stranger In Moscow, which might make it the greatest four minutes ever.

Best track - Play Your Part (Pt 1)

12. Portishead – Third
In what world The Seldom Seen Kid was better than this, I don't know. Shame on you, Mercury panel.

Best track - Machine Gun

11. No Age – Nouns
Dean and Randy might have softened the edges since last year's debut, but Nouns rattles through 12 tracks in 31 minutes, leaving you wanting more in an extremely good way.

Best track - Teen Creeps

10. Flying Lotus – Los Angeles
Somewhere between J Dilla's Donuts and Company Flow's Little Johnny From The Hospital, Los Angeles sounds like it was recorded at least fifty years into the future.

Best track - Parisian Goldfish

9. El Guincho – Alegranza!
Hypnotic and hallucinatory, propelled by giddy Afrobeat rhythms and tropical steel drums; Alegranza! was the party in 2008.

Best track - Antillas

8. Noah & The Whale – Peaceful, The World Lays Me Down
Certainly the cutest, most charming collection of songs released this year. Plus a million bonus points for brightening up a miserable Field Day.

Best track - Give A Little Love

7. The Hold Steady – Stay Positive
Alright, so it's the same as the last one and the same as the one before (and the same as the one before that) but no one writes better college rock tunes than Craig Finn.

Best track - Sequestered In Memphis

6. Fleet Foxes – Fleet Foxes
Evocative, effortless and epic, I imagine this will top a lot of end of year lists. Were I not so cantankerous, it'd probably top this one.

Best track - White Winter Hymnal

5. Air France – No Way Down
This Swedish duo are due to drop their first full-length album next year (this one had a miserly seven tracks), if it's half as good as this and their previous release, the equally blissful On Trade Winds, we can already safely name the best album of 2009.

Best track - June Evenings

4. Lil Wayne – Tha Carter III
Notwithstanding Zane Lowe's embarrassing declaration that this is the album that defined music in 2008, Tha Carter III is actually really fucking good.

3 Peat, Phone Home, La La ensure that it never quite reaches the standard of Illmatic and Ready To Die that Weezie was all-too-clearly shooting for (just have another look at that cover) but it's still the best hip hop album of the year; and in A Milli and Lollipop was responsible for two of the year's best singles.

Best track - A Milli

3. Silver Jews – Lookout Mountain, Lookout Sea
After the rockin' Tanglewood Numbers, Dave Berman returned to more traditional ground for his second post-addiction album. But with the heroin out of his system, the world's greatest ever lyricist is now confident enough to write songs about his drug addiction (Candy Jail), paint a beautiful self-portrait (Suffering Jukebox) and on Strange Victory, Strange Defeat tell us why most indie bands suck.

Best track - What Is Not But Could Be If

2. The Mae Shi – HLLLYH
With new records from Abe Vigoda, Mika Miko, Flying Lotus, Beck, No Age, HEALTH and… umm… Metallica, Los Angeles pretty much owned 2008. HLLLYH was the pick of the lot.

No longer content releasing collections of 40 30-second bursts, this time The Mae Shi wrote proper songs and everything. But they still had the balls to include an 11-minute track (Kingdom Come) that offers nothing but snippets of all the other songs on HLLLYH. And, of course, they plonked it right in the middle of the album. Genius.

Best track - Kingdom Come

1. The Bug – London Zoo
From reggae to electronica to grime to dancehall to hip hop to dubstep, London Zoo is a thick, thumping musical fog; a monstrous tour de force that was simply unmatched this year.

Monumental bass and apocalyptic drums are couched in smooth, deep melodies, with subtle bursts and flourishes supporting the mayhem going on elsewhere. At the top of the mix, the likes of Ricky Ranking, Tippa Irie and Warrior Queen toast harrowing and disquieting tales of life in 2008.

Paranoid, politically-charged and brutally rewarding, London Zoo is a truly global record; the kind that could only have come out of the planet's only truly global city. London Zoo represents these corrupt and crumbling times every bit as well as OK Computer captured the pre-millennium blues.

Best track - Skeng

Pinnacle Records enter administration

2008-12-04T11:40:00.005Z

My former employer, Pinnacle Records, has entered into administration.

While it's undoubtedly true that Pinnacle were slow to adapt to changes in the marketplace, there are some very bright people down in Kent and I sincerely hope they find employment. The firm had fallen on hard times but, just in the time I spent there, had a key role in the success of The Killers, Morrissey, Katie Melua, Joanna Newsom, Tom Waits, The Strokes... the list is almost endless.

I suspect this is closely linked to the demise of EUK/Woolworths who likely would've owed Pinnacle some amount of money when they fell into adminstration. The worry now is how many independent labels will follow Pinnacle into the void. Pinnacle would've been holding a lot of stock in their warehouses.

This ought to be proof, once and for all, that there is simply no money to be had in physical distribution of music any more.

An inevitability, but sad all the same.

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Secret tunnel for sale

2008-12-01T11:07:00.004Z

Unfortunately, "turning the tunnels into a nightclub or hotel is out of the question because only two elevators link them to the outside world; even a small fire would be difficult to contain", but this mile-long tunnel would make a killer bowling alley, skate park, graffiti gallery or rifle range.

Yours for a cool $7.4million.

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Taylor apologises for outburst - What Do You Think?

2008-11-28T11:18:00.000Z

Oven Dweller Pedro O'Klinkerhoffen had me chuckling this morning. What he said was even funnier.

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Here are some Swedish dance bands

2008-11-26T12:27:00.002Z

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Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg make mashed potatoes

2008-11-20T10:36:00.001Z

Perhaps they were cell mates or something.

Bates and Cattermole arrested - What Do You Think?

2008-11-19T10:57:00.000Z

News that Lee Cattermole and Matthew Bates have, once again, made idiots of themselves is rich fodder for Red Eye's panel.

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Obama likes Spider-Man, and that means...

2008-11-19T10:25:00.002Z

Gabriel Fowler, owner of New York comic book store Desert Island, gives his analysis on what Obama's favourite comic books say about America's next President.

“Unlike previous teen super heroes, Spider-Man did not benefit from adult mentors like Captain America and Batman. He was his own man, and had to learn for himself that ‘with great power comes great responsibility’. Perhaps Mr. Obama identifies with Peter Parker’s lone-wolf outlook?"

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Are Justice faking it?

2008-11-18T18:29:00.004Z

The MIDI controller that Gaspard is twiddling with isn't plugged in.

Maybe it just came loose mid-set and the problem hadn't yet been recognised, or maybe their sets are just pre-programmed.

Hmmmmm.

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Super Obama World

2008-11-17T12:56:00.003Z

Super Obama World is a basic Super Mario Bros clone that exchanges Koopa Troppers for lipstick-wearing pigs.

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Notion #37

2008-11-10T12:04:00.002Z

The new issue is in stores now, or will be very shortly. In it, you'll find, amongst other things, a brand new gaming section.

I've reviewed crazy popular shooter Gears of War II and written a piece called Who The Fuck that dissects Metroid's Samus Aran. It's well worth looking at just for Alex Figini's awesome drawing. Although my words are kinda cool too.

You can pick up Notion from WHSmith's, Borders and loads of other outlets.

Obama headlines

2008-11-10T10:52:00.007Z

A selection of newspaper front pages from around the world on 5th November 2008.

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Josh Martinez review up now at PopMatters

2008-11-10T09:39:00.002Z

My review of the latest Josh Martinez album is up now at PopMatters.

"There are moments outside of the first three tracks when Martinez does get back on track. “Fight or Fuck” is akin to Aquemini-era Outkast, offering organic beats and double-time rhymes that collide with intergalactic synth runs and elements of P-Funk-inspired swirls. “Going Back to Hali” offers a low-down, ass-shaking beat and is easily the album’s most danceable track."

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Flickr set of the Obamas on election night

2008-11-07T13:00:00.001Z

Obama For America campaign photographer David Katz took these wonderful shots of the Obamas and the Bidens watching the results come in on election night.

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Yes we did!

2008-11-05T10:52:00.002Z

The streets of Los Angeles were chaotic last night as America elected Barack Obama as their 44th President.

The official victory party – hosted at the Century City Hyatt – was massively over attended and quickly shut down by fire marshals and the LAPD. The party spilt out in the street and police and hotel staff attempted to send everyone on their way, but the overwhelmingly positive mood made for no acrimony, no agitation, simply a once-in-a-lifetime party.

It was a special, special night and I feel humbled and honoured to have been part of it.

Now, okay, the election result wasn't quite the landslide that some commentators are calling it (Reagan 525 – Mondale 13 was a landslide), but Obama has redrawn the electoral map that we've known for the last two elections.

With subtle references in his victory speech to Martin Luther King and Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Obama has set the bar almost unfathomably high for himself. But he has all of the charm and charisma of Dr King and will hopefully be able to stand up to the powerful interests of those who helped him become elected and retain the beautiful idealism that will be required to force the same sort of sweeping changes to America that FDR was able to.

Welcome back to the world, America. We've missed you.

Comic book adverts

2008-11-04T08:53:00.000Z

Following on from my earlier post, here's a superb collection of old adverts from comic books.

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Ordering a live monkey from a comic

2008-11-04T07:29:00.000Z

On Comic Book Resources, Jeff Tuthill recalls the time he ordered a live squirrel monkey from an advert in the back of an issue of Spider-Man.

"I figured, well, it’s probably near dehydration, so I opened up the cage to put some water in it. It leapt out of the cage when I opened it up the second time! I mean, it was eyeing the pipes that I was unaware of. As soon as I opened the cage, it leapt up and grabbed onto the plumbing up on the ceiling and started using them like monkey bars, and he was just shooting along in the basement, chirping pretty loud. It was heading towards the finished side of the basement, where there was a drop ceiling, and if it got into those channels, I never would have got it. It would have been days to get this thing out of there. I grabbed it by its tail, and it came down on, starting literally up by my shoulder, like a drill press it landed on my arm, and every bite was breaking flesh."

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