Everton vs Middlesbrough: Tale of the Tape

"Beatles fan DJ Downing loves going to Liverpool, because it gives him a chance to visit all of Lennon and McCartney's old hang-outs. In fact, on Saturday night he's booked to play a set at the Cavern Club.

TotT is lucky enough to have seen an advance copy of DJ Downing's set-list and let's just say if you're a fan of Cast, The Farm, Half Man Half Biscuit or Lightning Seeds or Shack you should get yourself down there.

Leon Osman's favourite Beatles tune is Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da. The big idiot."

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Middlesbrough vs Sunderland: Tale of the Tape

"When Roy Keane splashed nine million wing-wangs on Craig Gordon, TotT assumed that, like the transfers of Michael Chopra and Kieron Richardson, the Irishman had spent a helluva lot of dosh on a hellavu mediocre player.

Not for the three-hundreth time, TotT was wrong. With each passing game, Gordon is looking like one of the most accomplished goalkeepers in the division.

There was a time when you could have said the same about Skippy. But ever since his big buddy Mark Viduka left, he's been more half-arsed than Heather Mills."

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CCTV doing great job in London

Despite a £200m network of 10,000 CCTV cameras, the percentage of crimes solved in London is going down not up.

Never mind, perhaps we just don't have enough cameras....

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Boro hammered - What Do You Think?

Blimey, until I read Julio Clemenza's comment, I'd forgotten all about Jason Euell.

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Gibson threatens pubs - What Do You Think?

The Boro Six give their response to Steve Gibson's plans to sue pubs who show foreign broadcasts of Boro matches.

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Transfer window closes - What Do You Think?

A somewhat less than impressed response to Southgate's acquisition of Gary O'Neil and Mohammed Shawky...

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Middlesbrough vs Birmingham City: Tale of the Tape

The latest in a long line of Boro players who aren't any good on the right-flank but play there anyway has grown by one with the addition of George Boateng. It's a tactic that would ordinarily mean that all Boro's attacking threat is carried down the left, but since Stewart Downing forgot how to cross the ball sometime in 2005, it puts the onus more on Rocky and Arca.

Olivier Kapo's real name is Narcisse-Olivier Kapo-Obou, which, unlike the rest of this column, is very funny.

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