Sir Alex slams price of everything

"Lyon knew we had a lot of money from the transfer of Cristiano, so they didn't play ball" raged Ferguson. "Everyone is doing it. What is wrong in the world when just because you are super duper rich, you have to pay triple for everything?"

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Manchester City line up new Boss

"Manchester City manager Mark Hughes has returned from his summer holiday to discover that the Eastlands club have redoubled their efforts to secure a new boss.

With Samuel Eto'o turning down the opportunity to become England's highest-paid player, City officials have decided that they need a high profile managerial appointment to pursue their dream of joining Europe's elite."

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Manchester United to play Rolf Harris Testimonial

Over The Bar understands that the news that Qantas has withheld payment of the settlement due to Harris’s widow touched a chord with Sir Alex Ferguson, who has long been a campaigner against injustice. The benevolent match, to be played in pre-season, will be against an all-star World XI.

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Ronaldo set for Real Madrid

Marks and Spencer were last night facing a monster $100 million legal claim by Manchester United for 'grossly negligent socks'. The 'exemplary action', said United lawyers, stemmed from an incident at approximately 9a.m. yesterday morning as winger Cristiano Ronaldo slid his right foot into a brown cotton/silk mix garment from the store's Bon Pied range.

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ComeOnBoro.com end of season awards

It doesn't really feel like a time for celebration but, despite Middlesbrough's relegation from the Premiership, it's business as usual at ComeOnBoro.com towers and this means it's time for our end of season awards.

As usual, our panel of writers, pundits and experts sat down to discuss the best and worst – but mainly the worst – the season had to offer.

What with this season being the most dispiriting one for over a decade, we've decided to add a few bonus categories this year too.

Read more here

Anti News - The Allyce Beasley Issue

"Congratulations too must go to Mike Ashley, Dennis Wise, Derek Llambias, Kevin Keegan, Joe Kinnear, Chris Hughton and Alan Shearer for presiding over one of the greatest clusterfucks in recent sporting history."

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The Peanut Butter Smack Issue

At the other end of the table, after losing 2-0 to Liverpool, West Bromwich Albion have been relegated. The Baggies play nice football and have a decent man in charge of the club but, sadly, they simply don't score enough goals and concede far too easily.

Sound familiar?

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