"Not even Tale of the Tape loves rugby as much as DJ Downing. Ever since England's brilliant win over the USA, Downing has been playing Swing Low Sweet Chariot, Jerusalem and God Save The Queen non-stop in the dressing-room through his iPod speakers.
Florent Malouda tried to do the same in the Chelsea dressing room with La Marseillaise but Frank Lampard shoved Malouda's head down the toilet, shat on him and then made him drink seven pints of sick. Hey, this is what rugby boys like us do, okay?"
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