LG Secret

After another problem free 18 months with O2, I signed up for an improved contract and got myself a new phone.

Despite warnings from the friendly customer retentions woman that LG phones were "not that good", I preceded to order the new LG Secret.

If the Secret is anything to go by, the woman at O2 was right - the LG Secret is absolute dog dirt.

Like some blinkered fetishist, I'd been seduced by the faux leather and the touch sensitivity. And, actually, when the phone is closed, it does look pretty fucking sexy.

However, once you slide the keypad down, it reveals the cheapest, nastiest digits I've seen since the Nokia 3210. I don't have fat fingers, but I found it an absolute chore trying to access the 1, 2 and 3 keys.

The other thing that wasn't clear from the fluff I'd read about the phone is that it's only touch sensitive when the phone is in certain modes, which rather negates the point of having touch sensitivity. It must have been LG's most braindead (or perhaps funniest) tech who thought that having to access a menu via a standard keypad to turn on touch sensitivity was a good idea.

I really could go on, but I've had enough. I've had, I think, ten mobile phones and this is the first one that's an unmitigated disaster. I'm sending it back to O2 tomorrow and getting the Samsung Tocco instead. Frankly, a paper cup and a length of string would be more useful than the LG Secret.